One day while at the park,  a neighbor of ours who was  an 8 year old boy commented on  how sad it must be for Tinsley because of her missing fingers. I told him that it didn’t matter because she’s a happy and healthy baby who’s surrounded by so much love. He didn’t  appear to agree  and repeated how  things would be worse  for her especially when she starts going to school. I  tried to explain to  him that we love her and that  she’d be fine. He walked away seemingly unconvinced.

Was I mad at the boy? Of course not!  He’s just an 8 year old  voicing his opinion. He doesn’t know Tinsley’s backstory. How I sense her strong spirit and joy. How happy and  grateful we truly are that she is with us. The immense  happiness that she gives us– everyday, every second of our lives. So here I am, writing her story and hoping that people, just like that little boy will see  others like  my daughter  beyond their  physical differences.

At 19 weeks of pregnancy, we learned at an ultrasound appointment that Tinsley was missing fingers and toes.  We were shocked and devastated. My husband and I cried  in the waiting room of the hospital while our 5 year old son looked at us with great concern. They brought us to a conference room where a team of geneticists  were waiting to explain the situation.  They  called the genetic condition  Ectrodactyly.  We were told that there was nothing that  we did for this to happen. I sat there thinking otherwise. What did I eat? What did I NOT do to avoid this situation? Of course I began to doubt how I handled my pregnancy!  But I knew deep down in my heart that I did nothing because we prepared for  it and I took care of myself and my baby. We also didn’t know of any relative near or distant who had this condition.

After explaining Tinsley’s case, they gave us three options: go through with having the baby, go for further testing (amniocentesis) or terminate the pregnancy. They also explained carefully that her genetic condition  included other  risks:  like being born blind, deaf,  no sweat glands, no  hair and potentially problems with growing  teeth. It could be a combination of two,  three or all of the above. Or it could be just  isolated to her missing fingers and toes.  We broke down again after hearing that.

We didn’t know what to do or how to deal with it. To be very honest, our first  thought was termination. We reasoned that we didn’t want our daughter to suffer. We wanted her to have the best life possible. We prayed like we never prayed before  for guidance and strength.  To  make a long story short, after 3 long difficult  weeks of anger, denial and  sadness, it was only through the grace of God that my husband and I  accepted the situation. At that time, I could already  feel  her move in my tummy. I could feel her spirit and I knew deep down in my heart that I  didn’t want to let her go. She is in me. She is  a gift to us.  We loved her since the day we found out that we were pregnant with her. She is my daughter and I will do everything that I can for my child no matter what the circumstances may be.

On June 6, 2013, Anna Tinsley Reyes was born. When they put her in my arms, my husband and I  were  in tears  because we were finally able to hold her and whisper to her how much we love her. All our fears and worries disappeared because the only thing that mattered at that time was that she’s alive and safe  with us.

Tinsley  is now 18 months old. She  is a sweet but  feisty, active  and assertive girl. She loves to paint, dance and listen to music. She is affectionate especially  with people she likes. Just like any other child, she has her good days and her bad days. Just like any other parent, we also lose our patience with her but just one smile and hug, she melts our hearts again. Do  I worry about her sometimes? Yes  I do. I am a mother after all. But just like what my husband always says, we will deal with the situation.  What’s most important is that we  try to fill her life with love and support. Enough  for her to feel that there is nothing in this world that she cant do.

My hope is that  other people, like the that boy in my story need not feel pity or sadness for those with physical differences. That those are only disadvantages if we let our daughter grow up to think that they are. We will never let that happen.  

 

 

Guest Flaunts